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Nightly scare.

There's a fire in the street, OMG my hands are shaking but I think we'll be fine. Electricity went out, though. I have candles. Fire brigade is already here.
I'm moving out in three weeks and now this... I just wanted to go to bed too. It's scary, I've never been that close to a big fire and I'm scared. Don't worry about me, I'm alright!

I have nothing better to do, so I type. Electricity is still gone. It all started with the light flickering. I was about to get ready to go to bed, and the light flickered wildly. I thought it was something about my light bulb, but the flickering was different, really odd. Preparing for a blackout, I got my candles and lighter. Then I heard loud voices outside, calling: "It's burning!" - "It's not us, right?" - "Did someone call the fire brigade?" I opened the window and there was this nasty smoke drifting in the street and half-dressed people in the windows. I was super scared it could be my house burning! I looked, and spotted Mio's head sticking out of her window, so I went to knock at her door. Before that, I checked the staircase (no smoke) and looked out into the backyard (no smoke). Then I knocked at Mio's door and she said she had heard that the fire is in the street next to ours but now I've seen it's the fourth house down the road, to our right.
...
The nasty smell is still there, but the smoke is mostly gone by now. I feel like sighing a lot and wonder if I will sleep tonight.

My body has stopped shaking now. *sigh*

[Edit: Good morning. I'm at university now. After the electricity went out, the phone/internet connection died too last night (actually I'm surprised it lasted long enough for me to write the entry above). Not much more has happened, except that they started to open the street with an air hammer last night. At 3 a.m. I was still awake though. Electricity returned at 6 a.m. Internet is not back yet. When I left the house, they were still tugging cable out of the hole they made into the street last night. I'm so tired, I think I'll buy a cup of that dishwater they're selling as coffee in this university. OTL]

Tags:

Austria is playing against Germany (European football, what else?).

I turned off the radio and instead I am listening to the Bavarian guys next door who are watching the game on TV. Well, actually I'm not even sure if they are watching the match or having sex - the sounds they make could indicate both, may I translate into German for you:

"So geil, Müller, so geil!"
"Jaaaaa! Gomez, komm endlich!! Neiiiin!!! Gomez!!!"
"Schiri, du kleiner Scheißer, du!"
"Und jetzt zustechen!!!"
*orgasmic screams* etc. It sounds like a role-play.

It's both, hilarious and shocking.

Btw., I'm trying to study dogmatics at the same time.
Happy New Year, everyone! ♥

Looking back:
It wasn't a good year. It was not all bad either, but it wasn't exactly lovely and esp. the last part sucked. So let's just forget about it. I'm fed up with university.

Resolutions for 2011:
Surviving.

Hey, I got a new little mp3-player for my nameday (which was yesterday).
I don't feel like writing that small thesis I should write and I don't feel like completing that letter of application either (handwritten cv, eugh...).
Nothing else happened. I can feel a catastrophe looming somewhere ahead. No, really, it's too quiet, it must be the calm before the storm.

This is a follow-up to yesterday's post.


I feel like I was run over by a train. A train of re-told history and my own imagination that is way too powerful. I only slept for about 4 hours and that is next to nothing for me. I finished "Veritas" last night, or rather, early in the morning. The book I was ranting about yesterday, in my last post. It wrecked my heart. I feel all empty inside and when I finished the book all I wanted to do was seek shelter in a church. Of course you don't find an open church in Rgbg at 1.30 a.m. in the morning. This book gained some mysterious power towards the end. Devastation, but a very wondrous one. It said that nowadays, the fight is not an open battle between people with good goals and people with bad goals like it was once. A fight of people respecting others as people.
Nowadays it's a secret fight of a few good people against an omnipotent, omnipresent, dark system of evil that never shows its true face. It has no face. And of course I knew that before, everybody with the power of reflecting knows. But when I read about it, it was like realizing it all over again and it was depressing. I'm still depressed. And that's why I wanted to pray so badly and I couldn't find any sleep because my thoughts were swirling around the subject, trying to find a solution or at least an explanation (I call that process praying). I still want to go to a church but I'm sitting here in this student council room, trying to sort out my thoughts because I should be working.

One day I will die and then I will, hopefully, get an explanation of WHY the world is like this, why is the greatest power an awful, deadly power that is invisible? But what if after death there is nothing? I don't want to die yet because I still need time to prove that I was born to be one of the good people trying to fight against the invisible foe (and that is why I joined the church because I know the church is full of evil too but there are also quite a lot of good people coming together here, and I'm looking for them). I'm very excited to see what there might be awaiting us after dying. But the point is, what to do before that?

What to do in the little time we have before death? Even if we kill someone that we think is bad, nothing changes. All we did was kill a fellow human but we didn't make the world any better. We didn't erase badness, we just erased a human life and through the bloodshed we made the world an even sadder place. We can't really change the world. We can fight, but if we do, the probability that we will get wounded in some way is very high. The other option is that we do nothing and just live in this world. Just play along, even if our sense of justice tells us that we should be screaming and fighting. But no, we adjust and we're telling ourselves: In a few decades we will die and until then we'll just play along, and by that we are supporting the system that, in exchange, allows us to live. We are faceless cogwheels. Somehow we get this life over with. Be as happy as we can be with as little effort as possible. Isn't that how we all are living? I'm not trying to offend anyone with this, because I'm living the same life. If there was an easy way to change it, I would do it. Everyone would. But there is no easy way. And I'm scared of the enormous sacrifices.

Spoilers for the end of VeritasCollapse )

I have to go back to my diploma thesis now. If I can ever concentrate again.


[Edit: So I was sushi eating with Kingpin and Ellen tonight, and it was great, I talked about Veritas to them and since the three of us are theologicans, it turned into quite a good discussion. It calmed me down but I'm still upset. I hope I can sleep tonight. Later, I called my mother and told her about Veritas too, but I don't think she understood a single thing. In any case, I noticed that Veritas is full of little riddles. And now I'm busy googling for the solutions. It's soothing.]

You know what? University is crammed with Italians and Americans right now. Wherever I go, all I hear is Italian and English. Like, in the bus to university: all the Germans are silent and grumpy and think of their warm bed whereas the Italians and Americans are filling the whole bus with merry chatter. XD Don't know where they get the energy from that early in the morning. Well, I barely understand the Italians but it's nice to listen to the Americans and how they perceive life in Germany. I wonder if they think that this university is very empty, because almost everybody (except for some miserable souls like me) is on holiday.
I also wrote some postcards to you already, but I don't know when they'll arrive.

About today: After four years of living in Rgbg, I finally managed to go to the Walhalla. It's a kind of temple built by King Ludwig I. During the last 2 years I've come to admire this particular king. I barely knew him before. He gets overshadowed by his grandson, but... I think he was interesting too, and he shouldn't be neglected because his hairstyle was much cooler. tWell, so the Walhalla is a super awesome building that houses busts of famous people "of the German tongue".

Quoted from wiki: 'As being "of the German tongue" was the main selection criterion for the original 160 persons representing the 1,800 years of German history, the King included persons from, or who had been active in, modern-day Sweden, Austria, Czech Republic, Poland, United Kingdom, Netherlands, Russia, Switzerland and the Baltic States.
Whereas the Valhalla of Norse mythology was home to those gloriously slain in battle, Ludwig's Walhalla was intended not only for warriors but also for scientists, writers, and clerics, and specifically included both men and women. Decades before the German Empire was founded in 1871, "German" was understood as "Germanic". Included were Gothic, Langobardic, Anglo-Saxon, Dutch and Swiss German figures, as well as persons who had gained fame mainly in other countries or for non-German governments.'


Report from the Walhalla Academy Awards!Collapse )

You make me smile all of a sudden.

Hot Comments


Yes, the permanent happiness and joy is over! Germany devotes itself once again to unrestrained Weltschmerz and pessimism, everyone is upset, worrying, bitching and eating octopus. The national debt hasn't disappeared, the health system is going downhill, Bavaria destroys the tabacco industry with the fist of a Volksentscheid, the oil industry destroys the world and we are all going to die.

Germany! You are back to your true self! Bavaria grumbles about Prussia, Prussia makes fun of Bavaria, and I can go happily back to disliking Germany in general just because it's not like Austria.
No more black-red-golden flags are whipping my face now when I leave the house. They have magically disappeared over night! The Vuvuzelas are in silent mourning and maybe that stupid calamary will finally shut up too.
Everyone returns to the daily routine and makes a face as miserable as sin. No more collective drooling over hot guys chasing after a ball. It seems as if the WM has never happened and as if there was never a smiling face in this whole country.
So when can I re-emigrate to Austria?


PS: I'm still drooling over them hot guys though. ♥♥
PPS: GO NETHERLANDS GO!! *cheers*
You know what? After taking hours to just get up and eat breakfast, shop around a little and walk around, I finally made it to university to get some work done and what now?? I FORGOT THE USB-STICK AT HOME!!! ARRRRRRGH! How can I be so stupid??? I took all that pain just to make it to university and now I'm sitting here in front of a computer and can't do any work because I haven't brought that silly stick! Which also has my trivia facts, which is why this post has no proper title.

And because I have nothing to do, I'm writing this entry which will be totally random and silly and pointless.

On the situation in Germany right now:
You can't walk any five metres without being caught in some black-red-gold flag that waves in your face. The mall and the shops and the houses look like Christmas, but with black-red-gold instead of Christmas colours. And listening to people talking (on the radio, in the bus, on the street, in the computer room) you get the feeling that THIS WHOLE COUNTRY has lost its grip to reality.
So yesterday these young German men played against Australia... what could I say to them? "Thank you for the great party!" maybe? I do feel a little sorry for the Australians. Of course I felt even more sorry for my beloved Greeks being unable to move any slower than the average garden slug. I still love Seitaridis. I wonder if that is reason enough to watch another of their games.
What was I saying about yesterday's game? Oh yes, so, when you're sitting in front of a big cinema screen, surrounded by raving Germans - you won't be able to sit and calmly watch like a true Austrian. Instead you will jump up like those people, you will scream at the top of your lungs, wave your hands (for you still refuse to carry a German flag) and jump up and down like a true idiot.
This (German?) passion for football is irresistible, if you have an ounce of either passion or sympathy in your blood, you have to go along with it. Maybe I'm swept along so easily because Austria is, by nature, a football country too. It's just that this generation has barely any success to celebrate. Right now I don't care about nationality anymore as long as people celebrate passionately - Isn't football all about passion? I see no other reason for it. And Germany is a country that needs passion so badly! Well, Austria probably needs it even more but currently I see no way for the nation to find it via football. What we need most is passion and the laughter that comes from a relieved spirit. I guess it's okay if the country loses its grip on reality for some weeks. Reality will return soon enough, soon we will have enough to worry about again, wondering when the world is going to end.
Now, you young German team - please give me many more great parties in the near future! Oh, and I'm glad people aren't too crazy about these stupid Vuvuzela things here! I don't care if they are "a part of African culture" - these things have seen the devil, I swear!


Today I ran into people from Ärzte ohne Grenzen (Médecins Sans Frontières) and that made me remember that I have wanted to donate to them for ages.

cut for loveCollapse )
I can never think of lines of poems for my entry titles, so now I'll post trivia knowledge you absolutely need to know! Be sure to memorize all of them. In the end it will make you very smart! Trust me.

And now let me tell you something:
Myspace Comments
~~~ I'm coming for adventures!!!
What I'm trying to say is that I'm leaving for Munich tomorrow morning. Nyahahaha! I found two four-leaf clovers today.

I love how light-hearted the new KHR chapters are. I love... love... KHR so much.
Otherwise, I'm sorry I've been quiet lately. Now I really should pack my suitcase. I'm a little nervous OMG BIG EVENT!!
What Miss Pratincole has been up to lately:

1. She is back from Vienna! She had a great time there and a lot of little adventures!! She met many new people and made new friends and learnt so many new things! Yesterday she visited the Synagogue and the Habsburg treasure chamber. ♥ She also brought a lot of chocolate home!

2. She gave that short speech on the saeculum obscurum today and it was surprisingly successful... you wouldn't believe how much she usually sucks at speeches, so this is a rare occurance. It seems that at some point during her Vienna visit her unlucky streak finally ended. She thinks it was on Saturday evening... ever since then she has been lucky again. Thank God!

3. She put her name on the list for university election in summer. If she gets elected she might have to pay no university fees anymore... that would be quite awesome. She would also be an awful representator but she doesn't care. It's worth a try.

4. She wants more Reborn icons.

6. She wants a shawl. The more colourful the better!

    To-do-list:
  1. Write letters
  2. Apply for no more university fees
  3. Improve pastoral thesis
  4. Research diploma thesis
  5. Pack for journey to MUC

Profile

glareola
mi reloj son el sol y las olas
Una vez más el paisaje fugitivo,
el lago, los valles,
los árboles que corren como ríos.
Llega una nube
y ciega la mirada;
luego descubre
un mar, un fuego.

Cuando duermes
se recoge la vela de tu tiempo,
se borra el libro
por la magia de la sombra
y pasa a tus sueños la escritura.
A mis ojos,
la desaparición de tu día,
y mi quedar en mi día y en mi noche.

La belleza se desliza en su órbita.
En la isla que se aleja
tensas el arco.
La flecha sigue su línea.
Yo la mía.


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